Tag Archives: social media

Stress eating microwave mug cakes, help

6 Nov

It’s too close to call! Pinterest is collectively having conniptions over the election, and so am I.

Comments, repins and likes are flying on Obama and Romney pins. Check back here soon for a big Pinterest election post when the results are announced.

We just CANNOT HAS this again (as if you didn’t know which way I would vote).

I cannot stress-eat one more mug cake over right-wing ignorance or be put in a binder.

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When I smoke a nasty Pinterest commenter on this blog…

9 Oct

… And that commenter finds the post, I’m just like:

Feels good.

Two terrible trends collide

3 Sep

Tutu and camo have come together to create this unholy bastard child of an outfit, apparently intended for children. What did children ever do to you, Tyffani?

Screencap of a Pinterest pin of a pink camo and tutu dress.

Stuff for the kids? No. With a matching headpiece? HECK NO.

Scenarios in which this dress could be appropriate:

  • Paintball bachelorette
  • Wal-Mart
  • Flamingo hunting

Scenarios where it’s definitely inappropriate:

  • Anywhere else, for example, in a child’s closet, on a baby

When I’m lost in an endless stream of cutesy engagement or wedding pins

29 Aug

We put Glitzy on the table and she oooo’d herself

27 Aug

Going to a Twilight costume party? Good for you. It’s time for some vampire-worthy glitter!

An image of a woman with sparkly, very sparkly nails in pink and blue and white. GROSS!

Bella’s first hand job? Yeah, I just went there.

Part of a week long series of posts with titles inspired by Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, because, why not?

Our hair has always been washed in the kitchen sink

26 Aug

When you have to get your hair did in the kitchen sink like Alana’s mama, and your preferred style involves a metric ton of hydrogen peroxide, mishaps can occur.

For example, you could end up looking like the spawn of a hipster and one of those plastic trolls.

Hayley, this “ombre” hairstyle is literally trolling you. Lesson learned? Never re-pin anything from a Tumblr entitled “velvet gh0st.”

A pinterest screencap of a girl with bleached blue and pink hair.

The shoes and knee socks say girly innocence, and the sweatshirt dress, hair and headpiece say Very Mary Kate has escaped rehab and fallen into a vat of bleach. Ombre has never looked less beautimous.

Part of a week long series of posts with titles inspired by Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, because, why not?

When cute gets disgusting

23 Aug

How do you demonstrate your unity as a couple? By getting married? That’s not enough.

During your actual wedding ceremony, in addition to your vows, the kiss, the rings, and the license, you should throw in another symbol. You need to make sure everyone gets that YOU’RE TOGETHER, and marriage isn’t 1 + 1 = 2, but 1 + 1 = 1. Sharing a glass of honey water, lighting a unity candle, and making a vase of unity sand all serve this purpose.

Or, you could create a painting.

Screencap of a pinterest pin of a bride and a groom creating a gloopy unity with two jars of pastel paint.You can hang it right above the bed for memories of the whole event, from ceremony to honeymoon. Ew.

Take one step away from your skinny no foam extra hot one pump latte

22 Aug

Starbucks can be awesome sometimes.

Screencap of a pinterest pin that's a snapshot of a starbucks menu offering butter beer frappucinos. how awesome.

The chain took a reasonably healthy drink–coffee–and turned it into the whipped cream topped sugar high I need every morning to fully open my eyes. But, can you love Starbucks too much?

Addiction Level 1: Denial

I don’t even need Starbucks! I’ll make it at home! It’s the same, right? It’s the same. Let’s just make a quick pit stop at their drive-through so we can compare.

Addiction Level 2: Identification

I don’t just love Starbucks, I am Starbucks.

Screencap of a pinterest pin of nails painted with starbucks logos, clutching a starbucks bag of sugar.

These talons will help you better grip the signature sugar packets, which your already syrup-loaded drink doubtlessly requires. Notice that the nails pay homage to logos past and present.

Addiction Level 3: True Love

Symptoms include multiple visits per day, organizing one’s social life around Starbucks, keeping the cups to assemble a shrine, and taking creepy Instagram-y pics like these to frame and place above the shrine.

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More kitchen tools for the cook who has everything, including a banana slicer

20 Aug

In a weak moment at Target, you bought yourself a banana slicer, forgetting forever that you own a set of knives and know how to use them.

When you got home to whip up a bowl of your signature tacos, you stared down at the guacamole ingredients confusedly. With your new banana slicer and corn shucker, you had forgotten how to use your hands for basic household tasks.

How did this go again? Back to Target.

A screencap of a Pin from pinterest, showing an avocado cutter that looks like a small basket made with wire with a handle, which you press into the avocado to create cubes.

Beware–this cutter will only work with avocados that are the specific depth and width of the cutter. It’s best to bring it to the grocery store with you, to measure the avocados against.

Two trips to Target later, and the tacos are on the table. Lying on their sides like a sad group of beached whales. But wait!

Since you’ve completely lost touch with the capabilities of your hands, a taco holder is now also necessary.

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Delete it if you dare

19 Aug

The sheer number of bizarre comments on Pinterest indicates that the tool is less than intuitive. Perhaps it’s the automatic posting after hitting enter that trips up some people, or its similarity in appearance to the function for choosing a board.

Or, perhaps Pinterest attracts, more than any other social network, multitudes of innocent newbs who don’t really understand how to use the internet.

Case in point: this pin, found on a tattoo board created by someone who should really just settle on the word “hipster” on their forehead in a hipster font from Lost Type.

A screencap of a pin from pinterest, showing a kate moss cover of New York magazine. Comment reads chicken garbage bread.

I’m not a huge Kate Moss fan, so “chicken garbage bread” actually kind of works as a descriptor for me.

I also like chicken and bread, so I’m off to make this.