You’ve written inspiring mantras on post-its for their ensuite bathroom mirrors, breastfed exclusively for four years, and you hand-sew all of their organic clothing–but you’re not sure if your kids feel special enough.
What to do, what to do.
Here’s an idea: don’t write on their bananas. Put down that ballpoint pen, step back from your granite kitchen island, and think about what you’re doing. You’re writing on a banana–it’s the perfect storm of sweet and creep. Later, when you complain to your friends about how busy you are, remember this moment: you spent time you could have used to read or nap to write on a banana.
Also, as everyone knows, bananas that talk are pretty creepy:
That show provided me with a childhood’s worth of nightmares.
Most children who are given an inscribed banana will reach one of two conclusions:
1. The bananas love them and want to play with them.
2. Their parents are emotionally needy and insane.
I can’t get over the third banana–let’s play a game. Straight out of Saw.
Pinterest has posited many noble roles for men in the domestic sphere. These include, and are pretty much limited to:
- Elaborate proposal planners who have booked a secret photographer and a flash mob
- Unwilling whip-weilding actors in 50 Shades of Grey fantasies
- Mason jar craft installers and admirers
Note that none of these roles include domestic work–cooking, cleaning, childrearing. That’s for the wimmins! According to the oft-pinned Proverbs 31, men should be off doing a whole lotta nothing, “sitteth-ing among the elders of the land.” The modern version? Grand Theft Auto, obviously.
Men as equal partners in childcare–hilarious, amirite?
This pin, like Febreeze and laundry and cat litter commercials, normalizes unequal division of household labour.
Men, obviously, just aren’t capable of this child rearing stuff. This pin may seem harmless because it makes it seem like housework is beyond men, but really, it come from an ideology that says domesticity is beneath them.
And you know what? It kind of puts pressure on women, too. What woman makes a turkey every night? What woman wouldn’t tie her daughter’s hair with a zip tie in a pinch?
Some men, obviously, do think that way, and skimp on domesticity; all those depressing studies about division of labour evince this. The stereotypes, I think, just encourage their lackluster domestic performance, and alienate dads who do “pitch in.”
Repin, repin, repin!
Apologies to everyone who thought this was a post on Twilight or 50 Shades of Misogyny. No, this is a post about the decidedly unsexy topic of parenting.
There’s a fork in the road of parenting that every mom and dad comes to: the way of glitter, or the way of spanking. Judging from this pin, many Pinterest parents have chosen the well-beaten path of corporal punishment (see what I did there?).
More pinners bemoan the dearth of spanking below: