Tag Archives: bullshit

When the scent of hairspray and desperation becomes overpowering

29 Aug

A screencap of a Pinterest board--imaginary pinterest wedding. sad.

Ladies, ladies, ladies.

Screencap of a Pinterest board 'for my friends who are getting married'

Seriously? We may as well come right out and say it.

Screencap of a PInterest board titled 'I'm not engaged but if I were'

Let’s be even more direct.

Screencap of a pinterest board entitled 'just insert man here lol'

LOL 🙂 (*sob*). Oh dear. The awful part? She’s not alone.

Screencap of a plethora of boards for imaginary weddings

There are many better things to do than taking your wedding daydreams (those are okay!) and constructing elaborate fantasies on Pinterest (thatz just kinda sad). We all want to find our soulmate, but will picking your centerpieces now help?

When you’re not only looking for the guy who will propose with a well-planned flashmob, but expending enough energy on the prospect that you’ve planned your wedding to him right down to your underwear (lace boxers, of course), you may be veering into obsession. Let’s recap:

Acceptable obsessions:

  • Attending weddings and the inevitable, enjoyable snarking about the decor; occasionally daydreaming about your own nuptials
  • Ryan Gosling
  • Pugs

Unacceptable obsessions:

  • Wedding planning and pinning when you’re not engaged
  • Stalking Ryan Gosling IRL
  • Borrowing pugs you don’t own, stuffing them into cute outfits, taking photos, and using them as the caller profile pics for contacts on your phone

Screencap of several I need to find a husband Pinterest boards.

Think of what you could do with all the time that would be freed up without imaginary wedding planning. You could master the fine art of crochet! Learn computer coding! Do one nail in each of these elaborate styles (chevron! ombre! hooker gets ahold of a bedazzler!). In other words, things you can do yourself, that you have control over.

Making someone love you? It doesn’t fall into that category.

As a great feminist once said, a woman needs a man like a fish needs one of those fish tank castle things (or something along those lines). Nice to have, but you know. This feminist also said, or would have said: a woman needs an elaborate wedding fantasy like a fish needs water laced with sulfuric acid, which is to say, she’s probably better off without.

At the very least, you don’t have to get all Snow White about it on Pinterest.

Screencap of many one day my prince will come boards.

And some parents say exposing their little girls to princess stories doesn’t warp them for life.