I’m the sort of person who thinks she can get through life with a Swiss Army knife and a tarp. So, when I see seemingly superfluous implements like the kiwi flayer or the kale grinder, I squirm. On the one hand, a defining feature of humanity is our use of tools.
Behold, the dawn of man:
On the other hand, do you really thinkour hands, complex machines with 27+ bones and 17n muscles each that scientists can’t even replicate now, need the help of a plastic banana slicer?
Not sure if perfect banana slices are really worth a) the extra cupboard space that this tool would take up, and b) the shame of owning a banana slicer.
Apparently, the millions of years of evolution of human hands, and the thousands of years humans have used those hands to wield knives, is nothing compared to the 10 seconds in product development it took to come up with this:
Soup. Warm, comforting, nutritious soup. The sort of thing you eat when you’re sick, cold, or on one of your diets again.
I know those diets: “No pasta for me! Just soup tonight. No, I love soup. I really do.”
This isn’t soup, Vicki. This is obesity in a crock pot.
Where did the recipe deviate from soup? Somewhere between the 1 pound of ground beef and the 2 POUNDS OF VELVEETA. That’s 2,588 calories worth of Velveeta, in case you were wondering. 97 grams of fat. YUMMY!
Am I being too harsh? The 2 pounds of shredded hash browns provide some Vitamin C. Oh, and I’m sure the 30 ounces of chicken broth do something towards a soup-like consistency.
At least Vicki had the sense to file this gem under “crafts”, rather than “recipes.” If Sandra Lee and Paula Deen got together, this is exactly the sort of “food” that they would whip up.
It’s strawberry season! June 18, right at the peak. All across North America and Britain, shoppers are enjoying bargain-basement prices on strawberries at their local grocery stores. Entire pints for only $1.99!
What will you do with all those strawberries? Eat them plain, savouring their delicious summery flavour?
No. You will chop them up, process them, coat them in sugar. Basically, you will mutilate them until they resemble the processed crap you eat the rest of the year. No strawberry left behind.
Why embrace summer, when you can harken back to the frigid days of Christmas? Shudder. The massacre continues: