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Feel guilty about your diet?

25 Jul

It’s easy to feel remorseful about one’s food choices. However, we can’t always pick the organic quinoa over Kraft Mac’n’Cheese with hot dog slices, can we?

Look in your fridge. Feel guilty? Now, look at the pin below.

A screencap of a pin that's a turkey wrapped in bacon. Comments range from salviating to disgusted.

BOOM! Guilt gone. Whenever you make a bad food choice, just remember: at least it wasn’t a whole turkey wrapped in bacon.

Unless, of course, you do eat a whole turkey wrapped in bacon. In which case, I applaud you.

An animated gif of Citizen Kane clapping earnestly, from the movie.


Adventures in food mislabeling

23 Jul

Soup. Warm, comforting, nutritious soup. The sort of thing you eat when you’re sick, cold, or on one of your diets again.

I know those diets: “No pasta for me! Just soup tonight. No, I love soup. I really do.”

An image of a recipe for crock pot, featuring 1 poudn of ground beef, 2 pounds of velveeta, and 30 ounces of broth.This isn’t soup, Vicki. This is obesity in a crock pot.

Where did the recipe deviate from soup? Somewhere between the 1 pound of ground beef and the 2 POUNDS OF  VELVEETA. That’s 2,588 calories worth of Velveeta, in case you were wondering. 97 grams of fat. YUMMY!

Am I being too harsh? The 2 pounds of shredded hash browns provide some Vitamin C. Oh, and I’m sure the 30 ounces of chicken broth do something towards a soup-like consistency.

At least Vicki had the sense to file this gem under “crafts”, rather than “recipes.” If Sandra Lee and Paula Deen got together, this is exactly the sort of “food” that they would whip up.

Herein lies the dilemma

22 Jul

There’s a battle inside all of us. Good versus evil. The finite versus the infinite. Pumpkin fudge versus marathon training.

I just love the fun juxtapositions that Pinterest’s popular page offers on a daily basis.

A screencap of Pinterest's popular page, with a pin of peanut butter fudge above a pin for marathon training.

To fudge, or to marathon train? To fudge… or to marathon train. Colour me confused. On the one hand, sugar. On the other, sweat. Let’s think this over.

An image of Rodin's the thinker, looking as ponderous as ever.

Where’s my baking tin?

I’ll start the 8-week marathon training program tomorrow, after baking. Yeah. That’ll burn off the fudge.

Let’s play… Bamboozle: Slow Cooker Edition (or, we’re all losers here)

10 Jul

Alright! Let’s play Bamboozle: Guess that food!

Sometimes, when you put something into a slow-cooker, it comes out looking less than savory. And by less than savory, I mean you can’t recognize it at all. Still not following? Have you somehow sheltered yourself from the slow cooker craze? Congratulations, you’ve saved yourself from one of the most pinane trending topics on Pinterest. I envy you.

To help you catch up, I give you this Sandra Lee tutorial. To begin our game of Bamboozle (slow cooker edition) skip to 4:42 of this video, turn the volume off, and guess that food. Is it beef? Chicken? Brown tofu?

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Pinfuriating, pinept, pinsipid, pinfernal, pinfantile, pinane…

11 Apr

Oh hai! If you’re reading this, you’re either one of my curious friends, or have a ton of time to poke around the internet. This site is dedicated to Pinterest–specifically, the infuriating pins that are ripe, ripe for satire.