Go back in time with this pin on Pinterest.
Every woman wants to dress like a fourteen year old. DIY tribal shorts, flip flips, hair down to shins…
Wait, wait, wait. Let me correct myself–every woman on Pinterest seems to want to dress like a 14 year-old. At least, that’s the impression one might get while browsing fashion pins that scream “I just hit puberty!”
A crop top definitely says youth. Just in case you wanted to really, really emphasize your jejuneness (yes, that’s a word), you could try this:
This shirt doesn’t just say, “I’m young.”It has a bolder statement on infinite youth, especially when worn by women.
Let’s imagine it on, shall we?
Tragedy has struck: it’s September 1.
My depression at the dawn of slush season is deep, and can only be expressed fully through poetry.
“It fades–this green this lavish interval
This time of flowers and fruits,
Of melon ripe along the orchard wall,
Of sun and sails and wrinkled linen suits;
Time when the world seems rather plus than minus
And pollen tickles the allergic sinus.
The zinnia withers, mortal as the tulip.
Now from the dripping glass
I’ll sip no more the amateur mint julep
Nor dine al fresco on the alien grass;
Nor scale the height nor breast the truculent billow
Nor lay my head on any weekend pillow.“
To paraphrase Phillys McGinley: fall means no mint juleps, and certainly no “scaling the truculent billow” (ie swimming in harsh waves). Pinterest, unfortunately, tainted all my scaling and juleping by anticipating fall and winter as early as April.
Now, however, autumn pins no longer seem so out of place. They’re like a plague.
I’m not sure if this doorscape says “farmer with an inventory problem” or “Pottery Barn enthusiast with too much money and time.”
So, this door concept requires at least 15 squash, 100 apples, 40 corn stalks, 6 buckets and 4 hay bales. Antique pitchfork? It’ll set you back at least $100 at your local Pier 1.
Ladies, ladies, ladies.
Seriously? We may as well come right out and say it.
Let’s be even more direct.
LOL 🙂 (*sob*). Oh dear. The awful part? She’s not alone.
There are many better things to do than taking your wedding daydreams (those are okay!) and constructing elaborate fantasies on Pinterest (thatz just kinda sad). We all want to find our soulmate, but will picking your centerpieces now help?
When you’re not only looking for the guy who will propose with a well-planned flashmob, but expending enough energy on the prospect that you’ve planned your wedding to him right down to your underwear (lace boxers, of course), you may be veering into obsession. Let’s recap:
- Attending weddings and the inevitable, enjoyable snarking about the decor; occasionally daydreaming about your own nuptials
- Ryan Gosling
- Wedding planning and pinning when you’re not engaged
- Stalking Ryan Gosling IRL
- Borrowing pugs you don’t own, stuffing them into cute outfits, taking photos, and using them as the caller profile pics for contacts on your phone
Think of what you could do with all the time that would be freed up without imaginary wedding planning. You could master the fine art of crochet! Learn computer coding! Do one nail in each of these elaborate styles (chevron! ombre! hooker gets ahold of a bedazzler!). In other words, things you can do yourself, that you have control over.
Making someone love you? It doesn’t fall into that category.
As a great feminist once said, a woman needs a man like a fish needs one of those fish tank castle things (or something along those lines). Nice to have, but you know. This feminist also said, or would have said: a woman needs an elaborate wedding fantasy like a fish needs water laced with sulfuric acid, which is to say, she’s probably better off without.
At the very least, you don’t have to get all Snow White about it on Pinterest.
And some parents say exposing their little girls to princess stories doesn’t warp them for life.
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is the best show on television right now, filling the vacuum left by the end of Mad Men’s fifth season. You know it’s true.
For the next few days, I’ll use quotes by Honey Boo Boo (Alana) and her family to title my posts. As I’ve said, sometimes Pinterest can feel like the Bible Belt’s subconscious personified. June’s family? Ditto.
If you’d like to fit big mama’s description of
herself her family (lopsided, obtuse, traingle, oval), please put on this unflattering poncho:
Peeing in a lake? Don’t want anyone to know?
This is the poncho for you; this stylish sundress will keep you covered while in the water, and that lovely colour will hide stains once you get out. See how satisfied the model looks? Crochet it now.
Thanks to @KatySems for submitting this pin!