Kitchen tools for the cook who has everything, is bored

17 Aug

I’m the sort of person who thinks she can get through life with a Swiss Army knife and a tarp. So, when I see seemingly superfluous implements like the kiwi flayer or the kale grinder, I squirm. On the one hand, a defining feature of humanity is our use of tools.

Behold, the dawn of man:

On the other hand, do you really thinkour hands, complex machines with 27+ bones and 17n muscles each that scientists can’t even replicate now, need the help of a plastic banana slicer?

A screencap of a pin from pinterest with a photo of a bunch of bananas and a plastic, banana shaped banana cutter that one would simply press over a banana to create slices.

Not sure if perfect banana slices are really worth a) the extra cupboard space that this tool would take up, and b) the shame of owning a banana slicer.

Apparently, the millions of years of evolution of human hands, and the thousands of years humans have used those hands to wield knives, is nothing compared to the 10 seconds in product development it took to come up with this:

A screencap of a pin from pinterest, showing a photo of a piece of corn being de-kerneled by a round disc-shaped knife.

Just think of the terrible things that could happen if this corn shucker were to be accidentally placed in a couple’s bedroom. The convenience of not having to hand-cut your corn off the cob is not worth the injuries that this thing could cause if misused.

If you find yourself wandering the aisles of William Sonoma, or cruising the back alleys of Amazon, just remember: you don’t need that. No, you really don’t.

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