How to have fun while you’re young

22 Jun

When I first started this blog, I thought, you know what? I’m not going to touch religious pins. I’m just going to stay away.

That didn’t last very long. There’s just too much that’s ripe, ripe for satire. Some of the Godly pinners remind me of my favourite Arrested Development characters; their complete lack of self-awareness is an excellent source of LOLs.

I can’t help myself. To those Bible literalists, I’m sorry if I offend you. And seriously, stop taking the Bible literally. It’s not meant to be read that way. Leviticus? Yeah.

The Bible has tons of advice about how to have fun when you’re young. These include living a loving, meaningful life, in which do unto them as you would have done unto yourself. Or something.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure that limiting yourself to association only with other Christians isn’t what Jesus meant when he went to hang out with lepers and prostitutes.

Pinner Cindy Fredrickson disagrees. Here are her stringent dating tips for young women:

An image of a religious pin from Pinterest. Read below for the quote.


Here’s the full text of the fun dating rules for young women:

  1. I will date only those young men who live Church standards.
  2. I will attend only activities that meet Church standards [this is where the real fun begins!].
  3. I will save physical intimacies for marriage [does this include “gateway” intimacy? Are women and men allowed to breathe the same air? Should we sit in separate rooms? Maybe we can consult Saudi Arabia for some ideas on how to keep women as confined, and clean!, as possible].
  4. I will uphold high standards of modesty in my dress, language and actions [actions! How does that work? No speaking? If women shouldn’t be seen or heard, what are they meant to do? Disappear?].
  5. I will make a list of personal qualities that I would like the young men I date to possess [standard].
  6. I will return home from each date clean and unashamed [what if one of your Church standard dates involves hiking or rock climbing?].
  7. I will discuss my dating activities with my parents [WTF. Nowhere in the Bible are women instructed to talk about their dates with their parents. If Mary didn’t have to tell her folks that God knocked her up, then I certainly don’t have to tell my dad that I went bowling with a nice, Church standard gentleman. That’s between me and Jesus.]

My biggest problem with this list is that it applies only to women. Men are free of the constraints of Church standards, it seems, and can return home dirty and ashamed, or not at all! Vote Romney.

As Kathy Price comments on the original pin, “The people I know that let their hearts and body lead the way usually have ended up with std’s and broken hearts…save it for the special one worked for us!”

STDs and broken hearts–that’s what you can look forward to as a secular, young woman. Because denying yourself love and cutting yourself off from anyone who isn’t “Church standard” sets you up for a pain-free life, which you can expect to leave with your heart in one piece.

BRB, burning in hell.

6 Responses to “How to have fun while you’re young”

  1. Lori Safranek June 23, 2012 at 11:51 am #

    Aw, lighten up, girl. I’m not an uber-Christian, but if you read those dating guidelines without a sneer in your voice, they’re just a different way of looking at life. Not a condemnation of anyone else’s life. And who knows? There may be a similar list for men, or else where would these girls find a date? As for high standards of modesty in speech, these chicks probably don’t drop f-bombs the way you and I do, and that’s okay, right? They probably don’t discuss sex with men or in front of men, which, even if it seems old-fashioned to us, is their choice, right? And I feel you took your snarkiness a bit too far when you asked if returning home clean would be difficult if you went hiking or rock climbing. It’s not that kind of clean, darling, and you know that. Some folks really believe in remaining chaste until marriage. Of course, a lot of folks think that’s unnecessary, maybe even unhealthy psychologically. Once again, their choice. (and I’m older than you by a few years, so maybe I look at these guidelines and hope my 17 year old niece is adhering to some of these. Like not having sex with just any old boy. Like dating boys with good morals.) I think it’s easy to blast Christians or religious types who adhere to behaviors we feel are old-fashioned (or even anti-feminist?) But be fair, this doesn’t say “if you don’t follow these guidelines, you are a bad, naughty girl and will burn in hell.” And it wasn’t written for you and me, it was written for girls/women who WANT to follow those guidelines. And you didn’t offend me, but I think you are over-reacting a bit to the guidelines. Hey! Make your own guidelines! The anti-good-girl guidelines if you will. Or just read Cosmo, that magazine gives all us bad girls lots of great ideas about dating and sex. Ha! Love your stuff, keep it coming!

    • pinfuriating June 24, 2012 at 2:33 pm #

      Reading without a sneer in my voice? But how? I appreciate your comment, and realize that not everyone finds these types of lists as oppressive as I do. I believe that there’s a happy medium between lists like these and Cosmo, also not super-empowering–perhaps I should write them up myself! Thanks again for chiming in with such a measured response; I hear you, and would love to have more of these discussions on this site – that’s why I launched it!

      • Kert August 11, 2012 at 2:21 pm #

        This is just the perfect answer for all forum mmeebrs

  2. Kitty Cropper June 25, 2012 at 4:17 pm #

    Yeah, this constitutes a different way of looking at the world- a myopic and misogynist one! Everyone is free to follow their own path, of course, but when you put stuff like this up on the ‘nets, you invite “sneering-voiced” criticism. I think your post is dead-on. Voices of reason need to counteract these shrill calls for a return to dark ages codes of morality.

    • pinfuriating June 28, 2012 at 6:18 pm #

      Love your comment, Kitty! The last line is so quotable, I had to tweet it with a link to this discussion thread. If you have any particularly bad pins that you’d like me to feature on the site, feel free to post here or on Facebook/Twitter.

  3. Catherine August 29, 2012 at 7:24 am #

    When I used to be a Mormon and attend church regularly, they would give us bookmarks with these same instructions written on it. My brother never received anything like this from his teachers and I always wondered why the girls were the ones being reminded about chastity and purity. I’m no longer Mormon – it is too stifling for me as a modern woman to receive instructions on how to be a good little obedient wife, get married asap and pop out 8 kids.
    Also interesting to note – You can still catch std’s and be broken hearted even as a church member. Many new members have had sordid past sexual relationships and divorce does happen in Mormonism – albeit after much counselling and people telling you to pray pray pray that you and your husband will suddenly be ok again.

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